Blowing the whistle on cheap deals

Most people who know me, know I am late for virtually everything.

As a councillor, there is always the excuse that the previous meeting or event over-ran which is why you are late for the current one.

That works unless somebody else was at that earlier meeting too.

But if you start late, you get even later and confession time . . . the most common reason for my starting late is not being able to find my keys.

I have tried all sorts of strategies to stop them hiding in the their favourite places but none seem to work for very long.

First up, I tried attaching something very large on the keyring to stop them going down the side of the sofa.

Alas, the keys soon found other places to hide, whilst my trouser pockets bulged and soon burst under pressure. Over time, I found leaving the keys in the same place every time the best strategy.

Now, that works fine until you come home laden with the shopping.

The keys trick their way into the kitchen, where there are so many fun places to hide starting with the cutlery drawer before trying out the fridge and waste bins. Then there are the times that us men know so well.

You get out of the warm car into the cold and a call of nature is suddenly overwhelmingly urgent.

The keys never seem to tire of finding new hiding places in the bathroom!

The final nail in the ‘same place key storage strategy’ came when watching an episode of the Real Hustle and watching a hustler stealing keys and valuables with a variety of hooks and magnets attached to fishing rods poked through letterboxes.

So you can imagine my joy, when this year I unwrapped a Christmas present to discover a pack containing two sonic whistle key finders.

A first whistle and the whistler bursts into life to reveal its location. Surely those pesky keys had finally met their match.

Then, the whistler burst into life again. I had not whistled nor had I clapped.

And it carried on chirping its merry whistle every few minutes even when it was placed in solitary confinement in a silent cupboard.

So bravely, I took it back to the market stall where my friend had bought it.

The stall vendor rather succinctly asked me: “What did you expect for a £1?

That whistler is the best local deal you will ever get.

It's also the cheapest you'll find it anywhere in the country.”                  

To which in all innocence, I replied: “Surely it should do what it says it does?”

He replied: “It does whistle when you whistle at it! It is not my problem if it whistles at other triggers!”

So, I was left to rue that a cheap local deal that promised much did not deliver any value at all.

Then I went home to read my papers on the Tory County Council budget. I could hardly believe the headlines.

The Tories are asking us to believe that they are offering a good local deal for Northamptonshire and the cheapest council tax in the country.

Well we in Labour know that, just like the cheap market stall, the Tories might be offering cheap council tax but they are also offering us a poor deal because the Tories are delivering poor services in return for our council tax.

So just like the market vendor and his dodgy stock, the Tories at County Hall need the order of the boot.

This week’s guest columnist is Cllr Mark Bullock, deputy leader of the Labour group at Northamptonshire County Council